Many families going through high-conflict separation or a breakup find it difficult to work together. Parallel parenting is when each parent takes care of the children separately, with little to no interaction with the other parent. This helps minimize arguments and reduces stress for everyone, especially the kids.

The approach stands apart from traditional co-parenting, as parents do not need to coordinate or communicate on daily matters. Parallel parenting helps children maintain relationships with both parents after a separation, even when direct communication is not possible. Those seeking guidance with these arrangements during a split can consult a divorce attorney to understand their options.

This method works well for families who face persistent disagreements, providing structure while shielding children from conflict.

What Is Parallel Parenting and How Does It Work?

Parallel parenting is a style often used when separated or divorced individuals are unable to maintain regular, positive dialogue with each other. Instead of collaborating on daily decisions, each person cares for the child independently during their designated parenting time. This approach is particularly useful when communication consistently leads to arguments or stress.

The main idea is to minimize direct exchanges between former partners. Most communication takes place through written means such as emails, texts, or digital apps designed for this purpose. This structure supports consistent routines for children while reducing direct interaction between caregivers.

Key features of parallel parenting:

  • Caregivers make routine decisions separately at their respective times.
  • Major decisions (like healthcare or schooling) still require input from both individuals.
  • Communication is written, brief, and focused only on necessary topics.


This model allows children to maintain strong relationships with both parents, even when their caregivers struggle to get along. It aims to reduce conflict while maintaining healthy bonds for the child.

Comparison Table:

Aspect Parallel Parenting Traditional Co-Parenting
Communication Style Written, minimal, business-like Regular, open, collaborative
Decision-Making Separate for day-to-day, joint for big decisions Collaborative for most decisions
Interaction Frequency As little as possible Frequent and ongoing

With this separation of responsibilities, each caregiver applies their own style and household rules when the child is with them. This leads to a more stable and predictable environment for the child, even in situations where former partners do not communicate well.

Creating an Effective Parallel Parenting Plan

A well-structured parallel parenting plan can help reduce friction and keep children’s routines stable. The plan should clearly spell out schedules, responsibilities, and boundaries for each parent.

Key elements to include are:

  • Exchange times and locations
  • Decision-making areas
  • Communication guidelines
  • Rules for emergencies


Each parent sets their own household standards for meals, sleep, and discipline. Direct contact between parents is minimized, with written communication or specialized apps used instead. This helps lower the chance of arguments.

Sample table for outlining responsibilities:

Responsibility Parent 1 Parent 2
Medical Appointments Parent 1
School Activities Parent 2
Weekend Time Parent 2

All agreements should focus on the children’s well-being.

It is useful to review and update the plan on a regular basis as needs change. Written clarity and a structured approach allow both parents to focus on their children rather than ongoing disputes.

Parallel Parenting FAQs

Q. What is parallel parenting?
Parallel parenting is a style where guardians limit contact with each other, but both remain involved in their youngster’s life. Each person handles day-to-day decisions independently while caring for the children during their assigned time.

Q. How is it different from co-parenting?
Unlike co-parenting, where communication and joint decision-making are emphasized, parallel parenting reduces direct interaction. Each party uses its own methods during its time with the children.

Q. Who should consider this approach?
Families experiencing ongoing disagreement or high tension after separation might benefit from this method. It is often used when direct discussions have led to arguments or stress.

Q. What are common rules or structures?

  • Limited communication, often in writing only
  • Clear, scheduled times for each parent
  • Separate attendance at events or activities

Q. Can children adapt well to this arrangement?
Many youngsters feel more secure when their parents avoid direct conflict. Each home may have different routines, but consistency in care and reduced arguments tend to help with adjustment.